wyldwonder's Journal

1:11am: I really would like to improve my writing skills and my drive to do stuff. I really don't know how to go about either of those things.

My writing is almost like my public speaking skills. If I think someone is going to hear what I have to say, I cannot put it down. It's almost like I don't want anyone to hear my voice or the real me. If I do, then I've totally just exposed my innermost person, the one that must always be protected. It's worse than being seen naked. It's being striped right down to your soul for all to see and to judge...

But, really, I have this jumble of insights, observations, ideas, all kinds of things jumbled up in my head that could really be put down somewhere...Getting that jumble out of my head and organized. Maybe then I could sleep. Maybe my dreams will be calmer. Maybe it becomes a little easier to feel connected.

*sigh* Maybe this is all just more of my crazy ranting. Oh, well. Time to try to entice sleep to come into my night. Hoping for a calm in the storm for long enough to feel a little more coherent during my day.

Rest well.

12:07am: I won, I won, I won!

For years I've been trying to win something, anything via radio contests. The closest I've really gotten was for a prerelease of a dvd years ago...I needed to be caller 9, the announcer picked up the phone and said, "Bummer, number 8. That sucks!" and waited to see if I gave a response before he hung up...I listened to hours and hours of Christmas music playing bingo. I've jotted down hours worth of songs to "find the repeat" on no repeat days. Nothing. Nada.

Tonight, I won tickets. While I was working, I decided tonight, I would listen to my fav radio station instead of Pandora for a change. I jotted down the "Five at nine" while working, just in case I heard when they asked for caller 12. And I heard when they asked. I dialed a few times, rang, "Sorry, caller seven." I put the phone down and decided not to call again. But then my compulsive need to win kicked in and I picked it back up.

I tried a couple of times, rang again--I was caller 12! I answered the questions and won tickets to a concert. I'll be going with the hubby to downtown on Sunday night. :-)

In informing my friends, one of them pointed out that it is because I didn't use up my luck this weekend at the Greyhound Gala playing bag raffles. That kinda makes up for the fact that I couldn't go to the gala for the first time in 7 years. lol!

The Gaslight Anthem! Yay!

11:59am: Ok. Must step away from Facebook. Whoa.

3:10am: So, I haven't been keeping up lately. I've been pretty lonely here in the midwest. :-( But things haven't been to terribly bad. If I haven't heard from you lately, chances are, I'm missing you. Let me know what's going on!

:-)

7:43pm: Wow. It's empty here in LJ land. *sigh*

1:28am: Wow. It's been a bit since I last posted.

Since then, I have become an aunt to an official High School Student and a HS graduate/Navy recruit. Wow. That's enough to make one feel ancient. LoL!

Tonight was my former boss and the secretary of the company I work for's going away party. I had a great time bonding with the coworkers. The pres of the company told me how nice it was to see me "coming out of my shell". LoL! This in the light of my shrink telling me that there is a possibility that in the next 6 weeks that he may recommend partial hospitalization again. *sigh* Oh, well. My objective for the next six weeks is to take that off the table for possibilities.

I was just absent-mindedly thinking about my stint at UMR today. I have this distinct memory of sitting in the computer lounge in the computer science building in one of the 24 hour labs working on some sort of paper. DH had accompanied me, because I was going to pull a very late night and didn't want to have to be on campus that late at night alone. It was not a significant event, but something that I have a distinct memory of...

I just want you all to know that you are missed and thought of often. Even if I haven't met you in person or not. Hope all is well. *hugs*

4:50pm: I'm a seething ball of a complex mix of apathy and anger. *sigh* I don't know which one to follow. :-/

9:46am: Weekend vacation was AWESOME. I had such a great time. And I might be going to CA some time this summer. Not nearly definite, but the possibility exists. LoL! More on that later...

10:41pm: I'm going on vacation, I'm going on vacation, I'm going on vacation!

Can you tell I'm a bit excited? Even if it's just a weekend getaway, I'm going on vacation!

12:59pm: For the first time in a while, it is quite nice out. It's sunny and a warm 57 degrees. :) No major wind to speak of. And I got up early and worked on my extra work, so I have some time to myself this afternoon. I'm so very happy.

This weekend will be our trip to the Lincoln Park Zoo.

Hopefully next week my new glasses will come in, and I'm hoping to make it home to visit my family...I have an upcoming trip to visit friends in Michigan with a friend from Minnesota...I just so need some fun stuff to do right around now.

Hope you are all well.

8:44pm: Hello. I'm tired. And a bit on the stressed side. LOL. But I'll live. I've been really, really busy lately.

I do have a little fun planned. Later this month, DH and I will be taking a trip to Lincoln Park Zoo. :-) I'm really excited. I love going to zoos. We did go to LPZ once before, many years ago during a winter...But that's it. So it'll be fun.

Well, that's what I have. Stress, exhaustion, trip later in the month. LOL!

*waves* Hope you are all well.

4:46pm: Ok. Seriously. Don't laugh at me. Really. That would be rude...

I spent way too much of my life today looking at myspace. I wound up sending a message to one person I knew in college in Rolla, and one person from elementary/jr high school, and one person from high school. It took quiet a bit of effort to make me not sound like a total loser. :-/ And now I'm back to feeling really crappy again. LOL! But I'm hoping for one of those people to contact me back...The other two, I'm kinda meh about.

Right now, I'm torn between loving my Wii Fit and thinking it's an evil little contraption. How the heck can a video game make me this sore all over? I've been going to the gym for over a year now. One little video game shouldn't make me feel this way! And the little Wii Balance Board likes to make me feel bad. He's an evil little thing...

I did find that they may be coming out with a Tetris for the Wii that uses the balance board! And I'm really excited about that. The source says it's not due out until the fall, though. That's one that I'll hopefully get as soon as it comes out. Yes. As a matter of fact, I AM that much of a dork! LOL!

Peace.

3:27am: I have had a heck of a night. I went out drinking with friends. It was a pretty awesome night. I would really enjoy hanging with more friends. :-) I do tend to feel a little older than I am. But I get reminded that it's all in how you feel.

:-)

3:35am: Ok. So I stole it. But it's 3:30am, can't sleep and I'm bored...
On a lighter note...

A
- Available: Nope
- Age: 32
- Annoyance: Impossible standards
- Animal: Love them all.


B
- Beer: Currently got a thing for MGD 64. Sad, but true.
- Birthday: Dec. 3
- Best Friend: Jonathan
- Blind or Deaf: Deaf.
- Best weather: I would have said snow until I moved to Wisconsin...
- Been in Love: Most definitely.
- Believe in Magic: Nope
- Believe in Santa: Very much so.


C
- Candy: taffy
- Color: beautiful, shiny, metallic, darkish blue
- Chocolate/Vanilla: Both
- Chinese/Mexican Food: Mexican!
- Cake or pie: Cake
- Continent to visit: Hmm. Tough choice!
- Cheese: Hot pepper cheese
- City or Country: A bit of both


D
- Day or Night: Uhm. Depends.
- Dancing in the rain: With DH.
- Dreams: Freaky and often


E
- Eyes: Gray
- Everyone's got: A dirty little secret


F
- First thoughts waking up: Ok, why would I dream that?!
- Food: Homemade


G
- Greatest Fear: Parasites!!!
- Goals: Right now--be as healthy as I can
- Gum: Only in desperate breath needs or in times of great stress
- Get along with your parents: Yep.


H
- Hair Color: Red
- Height: 5' 2"
- Happy: More often that I thought was possible
- Holiday: Ones that I get to get cool stuff for people
- How do you want to die: Loved.


I
- Ice Cream: Pretty much anything from Maggie Moos
- Instrument: *sigh* Alas, none


J
- Jewelry: Wedding ring/engagement combo
- Job: Part time


K
- Kids: No clue.
- Kickboxing or karate: Uhm. Neither?
- Keep a journal: Nope


L
- Love: Family
- Laughed so hard you cried: Uh. Laughed until eyes leaked.


M
- Milk flavor: Banana or root beer
- Movies: As often as possible!
- Motion sickness: Oh, yeah. Dramamine is my friend!
- McD’s or BK: Wendy's


N
- Number: 76


O
- One wish: Healthy happy family


P
- Pepsi/Coke: Diet Coke!!!
- Perfect Pizza: Ideally contains artichoke hearts. Yes. Really.
- Piercings: Only in the ears so far.


Q
- Quail: Yummy


R
- Reality T.V.: No.
- Radio Station: Rock 102.1
- Roll your tongue in a circle: No
- Ring size: 8


S
- Song: Currently stuck in my head--Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo
- Shoe size: 9
- Salad Dressing: Light Italian
- Sushi: California rolls
- Shower: To help me go to sleep
- Strawberries/Blueberries: OMG! I want some right now!

T
- Tattoos: Two so far
- Time for bed: If only I could sleep!
- Thunderstorm: Nice and gentle.


U
- Unpredictable: When you least expect it


V
- Vacation spot: Forrest, camping, no bears


W
- Weakness: Scantily clad DH doing chores. Not something that y'all wanted to hear.
- Which one of your friends acts the most like you: Wow. Well, I'm pretty sure that would be Jonathan
- Worst feeling: Being helpless
- Worst Weather: Wind/hurricane/tornado


X
- X-Rays: Pretty cool, actually

Y
-Year it is now: 2009
-Yellow: Banana slug


Z
- Zoo animal: Just one? I guess I'd have to pick the hippo!

11:28am: Wow. I've had an interesting time. I had a productive weekend. And I socialized and schmoozed with work peeps. I did a heck of a lot of working. I've volunteered for a blood drive at work, helping out since I can't give blood. And I've talked to someone who is thinking of doing the three day walk with me. Wow. That's more in one weekend than I've been able to accomplish in, like, a month, for a very long time. It feels kinda cool. And a little bit scary.

And. With the horrible depression eased up, it seems that I am experiencing some of the imbalances I had in the past. Like, oh, I don't know, the distinct possibility that I have issues with manic episodes. *sigh* It's like three steps forward, two back. Oh, well. It'll get figured out.

Anyway. I'm off to go look for outfit ideas. I need something work appropriate, that's comfy, but still makes me look like a professional. Ah. Yes. Looking for the impossible. LOL!

9:40pm: Wow. I had no clue that I would be so right about having a busy tax season. I checked my work queue just to see what I'd be starting the weekend with. *sigh* It looks like I'm going to be missing the Super Bowl. And making my hot wings. In one day, I have almost 1000 items to work. I work about 90 items per hour. It's gonna be a long, long weekend.

And I just have to make it to the gym. I got my new work-out shoes. I tried on so many pairs of shoes today. I got home and just wanted nothing to do with shoes or shopping for a long time. I bought a very expensive (for me) pair. I wouldn't have even tried them on if I didn't think they were the ones on sale. But everyone keeps telling me how important good shoes for my walk are. So, I've started breaking them in.

Ok. I've got nothing else. *wave*

11:14am: Wow. Tax season is totally great for my paycheck. I'm going to get my largest check from the company to date this next pay period. That makes me way too excited. And it's good timing, being that I'm down to $20 to my name. LOL!

That's all I really have today. LOL! Great times!

1:22pm: Seriously. I'm happy. And hopeful. It's been a very long time since I've felt this happy. And I really don't know about ever feeling this hopeful. There are a lot of hopes and expectations resting on a young Mr. Obama's shoulders. I feel for the amount of weight that man must be carrying around. But I think he is capable of so much good. Happy End-Of-The-Bush-Reign everyone. :)

3:26pm: Only two more days until I sign up for the SGK Breast Cancer 3 Day walk. I'm very excited. I just need my paycheck to have some spending money for the registration fee. I'm so psyched. It's been a while since I've been this excited over doing something. And probably it's the best thing I've been able to do in a very long time. Still worried about all the monies I need to raise, but I have help. And I have my very first company who wants to donate for my walk. :-) My sister is awesome and is getting the word out already.

Ok. Not much else going on today. Tired and a bit whiny still. LOL! But I'll get over it.

Have fun!

12:58am: Ok. I've decided to do it again...After my next paycheck (to pay for the registration fees) I'm signing up for the Susan G Komen For The Cure 3-Day walk. I participated in the 3-Day walk when it was the Avon 3-Day. It's the same walk, new sponsors/name. Now Avon does a two day walk that is either two half-marathon walks or a marathon walk one day followed by a half marathon walk the next. I'm doing the SGK 3-Day.

I'm very excited, but very nervous. I know I can meet the health goals and challenges, but I'm worried about the fund raising part. It's a minimum of $2300. Wowza. That's a lot of money. I have several friends that have offered help with fundraising. They are from different places around the country, so I'm hoping that'll help once I get all registered and set up.

Aaah! I'm so scared and excited at the same time! :) I'll most likely sign up from the Chicago one, since it's the closest one. But I am thinking of doing a different one. But, then there would be travel costs...I've got about 5 days before I sign up to consider it. If I were to do one in a different city, my top choices would be San Diego, San Francisco, or Washington DC. BUT, it's mostly just pipe dreams. I'd guess I'm 95% sure that I'll just do the Chicago one.

The sooner I sign up, the sooner I get the training schedule. And I really need to be following the training schedule. :-D

Wow. This'll be the first time I use this little Emotikitty! :D.....

1:39am: I'm so tired. I don't know what's up with that. Hmm. Maybe if I wasn't up at 1:40am...LOL!

I got myself a Nintendo DS Lite. And, after I opened it and all of the games I bought, our furnace went out. *Sigh* I wanted to get rid of it, but DH says that I need the DS since it's the first thing I've really bought for myself with paychecks. And that it is good for me. And that in the long run, it isn't really much compared to the cost of the furnace. Ok. So he may be right. But I still feel a bit guilty over it.

So, for New Years, we got a new furnace and A/C unit. We needed the A/C, and it saved on labor to get it all done at the same time. Fun stuff! Nothing like spending over $6000 in a day to make you feel...Well...Like vomiting. LOL. But it's ok. We needed to replace both units for quite a while. And these are more energy efficient. So that's good for our pocketbooks and the environment.

And, if anyone out there in LJ-land is on the fence about getting a Nintendo DS or not--OMG! Get it! Get it! Get it! It's so much fun. I don't play the Wii nearly as often as I should, but the DS I play every day. I have vocab training and brain training, and a bunch of puzzle games. I don't have to get all cranky waiting for appointments. I'm occupied. And I play games while doing stuff like listening to the news. I really love my DS. I may have an issue, though. I had to stop for a red light and I looked over at my purse and was like, "The light just turned red, I have time for a 90 second game..." I realized that I may have a problem. ROFL! And for the record, I resisted the urge.

Ok. I'm off to bed. G'night, y'all! :-)

2:16am: Well, we're home from our Christmas trip. I had a great trip and am actually feeling really sad to be home. I miss everyone. I love my family so much. And I really get along with DH's brother and sister in law. I really like them and my niece and their nephew that lives with them. I always enjoy spending time with them. I'm really not liking not getting to spend much time with my little niece and not to get to watch her grow up.

Everyone seemed to really like their gifts. The coolest thing happened. I've been wanting to get my sister some slippers on Think Geek for a couple of years, but they are expensive and I haven't been able to spend that much per person. But with the paycheck I've been getting and some saving, we got a lot of good gifts for people. Including the gift I wanted to get my sis for years. And she's been excited 'cause she said she got something that was so cool for me that she's wanted to get me for a long time and couldn't afford until this time...Do you see where I'm going with this?

She handed me three packages and told me to open them. I asked which I should start off with, and she says the plush looking ones. And that's when it hit me. I touched the package and knew immediately what it was. I just stood there agape, and then I tore the package a little to be sure, and yep. I called Dennis over to look at it. We just started laughing. And she was all confused. Until she opened her package. We got each other the exact same gift for Christmas. :) It was the BEST! I wanted the slippers, too. But would never have spent that much on slippers for myself, and she said the same thing.

It's not the first time we've done that, but it is the most memorable. It makes me giggle every time I think about it. It's such a special gift. What are the chances that we would get the exact same thing for each other?? Oh. And to let you all know the coolness, they are Holy Grail rabbit slippers. :D With gaping mouth action. LOL! They are AWESOME!

Mom loves her Nintendo DS and the game I picked out for her. And I love it, too. DH tells me I should get one for myself with how much I enjoyed hers. I do miss not having it to play with! And Dad was so surprised with his gift. It was some campfire accessories that he's wanted for a long, long time. He was going to have a friend of his make these for him when he saved up for it. I happened to find the accessories in a catalog. :D It was perfect!

It sounds like it's all about the material stuff for Christmas. But it really isn't. I'm so excited because we got things that people would really love and appreciate. The "perfect" gifts with lots of thought and heart behind them.

And it was so fun to spend time with my family. It feels so good when I get to be with them.

Hope everyone had a great holiday season and got to spend time with loved ones.

9:59pm: I'm in such a good holiday mood. :) It's snowed many times around here--snow on the ground now. DH was all whiny and wouldn't let me hit him with a snowball...And then attacked me with snow today. So I got him back. Very well. :D

We did much of our Christmas shopping. I had so much fun so far this year picking out the "right" things for everyone. It's just been a ton of fun. I'm hoping that some of the kids on our list will let me play with their cool toys. I'm particularly fond of the Erector Set we got for one of our nephews. AND, I'm pretty sure he'll let me play with it, too. LOL! Must remember the batteries for the motors in the kit--or else it'll suck.

I signed up for a Christmas card exchange. DH helped the person setting it up and for that we're getting tons more Christmas cards. It's awesome. We've gotten over 50 cards so far. I can't tell you how excited I am and how much I cherish each and every card that we get. :)

And DH and I both have celebrated our birthdays in the last week. It was a nice time. I really appreciate all the people that make us feel good on our birthdays. :)

That's all I've got. Happy December, everyone!

3:34am: The Holiday seasons are upon us. I was so not in a mood to celebrate, but then I spent a couple of days out in the stores and looking at all of the Thanksgiving and Christmas stuffs. I'm in a much better holiday mood. I got a light-up turkey for my window, which complements my inflatable turkey in the yard. LOL.

Today was a good day. DH and I went to the Waukesha Christmas Parade. We got there at around 1:30pm for the 4pm event. I really wanted to get a good spot. We got an awesome spot, set up in our chairs with quilts to keep us warm...And then DH hops up around 3:45 and I had no clue what spurred his sudden outburst of energy...There was a very elderly lady who was not having an easy time of standing, and DH got up to let her use his chair. :) One of the things I really admire and love about that man.

His chair has an attached foot rest, so she couldn't use it. I got up, unbuckled my foot rest and we helped her sit in my chair, then covered her in a quilt so she'd stay warm. Her caregiver said that the woman's wheelchair was in the other car and they would have had to leave without seeing the parade. It made my night to be able to help out even in such a small way.

I'm excited about Thanksgiving--we're going to my parents' this year. We haven't been for Thanksgiving for a few years. My parents work, but we'll still get plenty of time with them. And I hope to see my sister, niece, and nephews.

Ok. I babbled on long enough.

12:29pm: *Sigh* I'm very sad. :(